Shit is hard right now. Graduating from college is definetly the new graduating from high school. Man, I thought moving away from my parents, my childhood home, the only place I had ever lived - to go to a new, scary, independent, demanding world of college was going to be hard. It was a cake walk. I literally walked around and was handed cake. Or maybe that's just what it felt like. Now this. This is fucking hard. This is like a rainy, muddy, terrifying, pitch black grop through a dark tunnel where all you get handed is stale tortilla chips. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating.
It's not that bad, especially when you're mooching off your parents and living rent-free with no job. Indeed, I have had some great fun here in Peepeetown and I'm glad I'm not in school anymore, but good lord there is an abyss at my doorstep wearing a nametag reading "Your Fucking Future."
First world problem I know, but I have SO MUCH freedom. I have SO MUCH mobility. I can go and do just about anything. And I am terrified. I can deconstruct the feminist implications of that novel you're reading like it ain't no thang, but I have no clue who I am and what I want to do. And it's starting to really freak me out. The question "what am I going to do with my life" is not a joke anymore. I'm asking myself in all seriousness multiple times a day.
I've started making a mental list of things I think I could be good at, or at least care about. But every option seems soul crushing in one way or another.
All I really know is: I want to be my own boss. I want to be creative.
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2 comments:
how is it that you make existential crises absolutely hilarious to read!! hilarious in the sense that i laugh really hard at your wittiness because your witty, but also to cover up my absolutely scary connection to the same future.
holla.
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